Chinese Democracy: At Least Listen to the Fucking Thing, Pitchfork and Stereogum!

So, am I expected to post an uppity music snob review ripping Chinese Democracy to pieces? Is it not hip to like this album? Well, that’s not what I’m going to do, because Chinese Democracy is probably the best Guns N’ Roses album in the epic discography. Yes, I said it. Sure, some of the songs sound a little dated, but that’s because they’ve been sitting on the shelf for 15 years. On the other hand, there are a handful of songs that give GNR a new edge to their classic sound, trumping most of what you will find in today’s overrated mainstream music scene.

I’m not going to go into great detail about the history of Chinese Democracy, because I actually want to get this thing posted by Sunday’s release date. If you really want a history lesson, check out the Wikipedia page or do a Google search. There are years’ worth of articles, rumors and interviews. It was a messy journey, and Dr. Pepper is paying for it (or so they want you to think so). Don’t forget to collect your free coupon from Dr. Pepper on Sunday. They’re only giving them away for one day. According to Dr. Pepper, the offer applies to everyone but Buckethead and Slash.

The first two tracks, “Chinese Democracy” and “Shackler’s Revenge,” the latter of which now appears on Rock Band 2, work just fine as album openers. The build up in “Chinese Democracy” is quite tense. And I’ll admit I got the chills when the guitar riff kicked in. Axl’s voice is shot? I think not. I guess they must have really manipulated it in the studio for it to sound this good. “Shackler’s Revenge” is the heaviest track on the album, and I thought I was listening to Fantomas (one of my favorite bands) when it first started. The opening guitar is just intense. The song calms down a bit with this fabulous screeching guitar coming and going. The guitars and solo in the second half of the song had me asking myself, “Slash who?” (I’m sorry, but Velvet Revolver wasn’t for me).

The album gets epic when we finally come to “Better.” I heard this song years ago, and even on the radio when DJs were playing it. Back then, it sounded like classic Guns N’ Roses and has kept my interest up in CD’s release since. Robin Finck’s brilliant guitar work here convinces that Axl has always been the driving force of GN’R. “Street of Dreams” (better known as “The Blues” to those who downloaded leaks) is a beautiful ballad track that begins with Rose’s grand piano. Axl writes everything from a piano, and this song is a great example of his masterful songwriting ability. It’s also the first time you will hear “the voice.” Axl has that classic rock voice, and it shines on this track.

“If the World” reminds me of Faith No More’s “Evidence.” Again, Rose is at the top of his game vocally in this smooth, bluesy track. “There Was a Time” is the next track and may just be my favorite song on the album. As a kid, “Sweet Child O Mine” was my favorite song (and probably still is). I’m immediately brought back by this track. The song is absolutely perfect. The percussion is badass (electronic or live drums, I still can’t tell). Rose has such great range in his vocals, and the guitar breakdowns are breathtaking. Let me warn you. The second half of this song represents everything you ever loved about Guns N’ Roses. I’m in shock that some music reviewers are listening to the same song when they diss it. Axl hits the high notes and the guitar solo lasts for two-plus minutes. Then, the song retreats back to that opening beat with the sound of a children’s chorus.

We don’t get a chance to catch our breath, because “Catcher in the Rye” provides much of the same. This time, we are treated with breathtaking guitar solos, melodic vocals, and a “na, na, na” chorus that will have you bobbing your head, because you realize that Guns N’ Roses sounds as good as ever. Things get heavier again with “Scraped” and “Riad N’ The Bedouins.” Axl gets angry at middle eastern nomads in the latter with the line, “had a plan and thought they’d win, but I don’t give a fuck about them, cause I am crazy.” No one knows how to make a chorus sound better than Axl, and he does so here with what follows the angry rant. “Sorry” seems a bit out of place between “Riad N’ Bedouins” and “I.R.S” and may also be the weakest track on the record. “I.R.S.” is another song that’s been around for a while. Axl is at his best vocally, and the twangy guitar breakdown at 2:19 is a highpoint. Again, the guitar solo during the last minute will make you forget about that former guitar player. What’s his name again?

“Madagascar” is another classic GN’R gem. Axl’s voices hits the bulls-eye on all notes. I do think the mix of MLK’s speech with Cool Hand Luke’s “What we have here is a failure to communicate” line feels a bit forced. It worked with Use Your Illusions II’s “Civil War” and Living Colour’s “Cult of Personality” in the 80s but feels unoriginal and dated here. “This I Love” is an endearing piano ballard with Rose hitting high notes throughout. A guitar solo kicks in at 2:30, and the song hits a 2-minute climax. The track would have been the perfect closer, which is my only complaint about the last track, “Prostitute.” It’s a revealing track for Axl who asks, “What would you say if I told you that I’m to blame?” This is the strongest song lyrically but feels a bit out of place. Maybe it would have been better suited somewhere in the middle of the album. But then again, the theme of the song does provide a final summation of Axl’s struggle for years to release this album:

Ask Yourself,
What I Would Do
To Prostitute, Myself,
To Live With Fortune And Shame
Ooh, Yea,
When You Should Have Turned To The Hearts Of The Ones
That You Would Not Save,
Ooh, Now,
I Told You
When I Found You
All That Amounts To
Is Love That You’ve Crippled For Fortune And Fame!

Chinese Democracy was released 16 minutes ago at your nearest Best Buy store. If you’re not ready, the entire thing is streaming on MySpace. I highly suggest you pick it up (the legal way). After all, it did cost millions to make.

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